When it comes to social relationships there has always been something there holding me back from getting too close. In my mind it’s a ’safe distance’. But in reality it probably does more harm to me than it does to protect me.
Some people work best when surrounded by others, some even crave the attention of others; but there are others, like me, who prefer not to be the centre of a conversation, not to be the leader of a group, and not to be constantly worrying about what others are thinking or feeling.
By no means is this a bad thing. Some people naturally enjoy their own company. Even when I get lonely on my own sometimes, all it takes is a short time socialising before I absolutely love sitting down on my own to write, watch my favourite programme or read some of my favourite blogs (socialising online doesn’t count!).
The problem is that there is still a part of me that wonders whether I’m missing out. It takes me a very long time to get to know someone well enough to let them in, and to get close both physically and mentally. I’m really not a huggy person, and I don’t really like people touching me – even if it’s for something nice like dancing together. I’m just awkward in that way.
Wow, Penny! I feel like I could have written this post myself! What you wrote about here is something I’m really working on right now in therapy — figuring out why I’m not a huggy, social person and how I can work on that. While I don’t think liking to be alone is a bad thing, I do think in my case there’s work to be done to uncover why I keep a safe distance from other people (something to do with trust issues I’m sure!). Great post… SO glad you wrote about this because it really, really spoke to me!
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i naturally enjoy my own company, but when i’m ready to be social, i love being around other people. that i trust. i guess like dogs, i have to sniff them out first and see what kind of person they are before i’m totally comfortable.
Dani – That is interesting that you have the same thing. I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with not being huggy etc. People are all different. But like you said, sometimes there is something deeper and we’re actually not doing ourself any favours.
natural – Yes I feel like that too. I guess it just takes me a little longer to sniff them out lol!
Penny, you are right, there is nothing wrong with not being huggy. Not all people are the same; else maybe we will have a better world? I can be pretty much like you in term of not being the huggy person and not exactly comfortable when someone touches me; I may keep a safe distance. And yet, if I want others to trust me, I must learn to trust them first. This is a real challenge.
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You’re an introvert. That’s cool. I mean, my husband is an introvert… and I am an extrovert, and we work things out just fine.
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Sounds like me. IRL so many people have turned out to be nitwits that I just worry.
Taking a while to get to know people is not necessarily a bad thing. It gives you a lot of time to see trouble coming.
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I don’t think you’re missing out – pushing yourself towards being someone you’re not would be unnatural and wouldn’t probably last for too long anyway. Keep living life at your pace – I think it’s a bit like with diets: you can gain and loose weith but your body somehow always fluctuates to your natural weight. I believe the amount of being social towards other people is exactly the same: you can shift it slightly, but it’s better to stick with who you are because that’s when you will be the happiest.
Well we all have our own individual differences and personality traits. What may work for one may not work for another. There are people who are inherently introvert who would rather choose the solemnity of being alone most of the time. They sometimes feel threatened if people become too close to them. There’s nothing with that. Anyway as they say, no man is an island. Each one needs the company of others to survive. Thanks for the pensive post. God bless you always.
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