Readers here might know that I moved away from my hometown to come and live with my boyfriend in his. I felt weird at first – weird without even properly realising it – but I’d say I’m pretty much used to it now, and I do really like it here. There’s a lot more going on than where I used to live.
But one thing I don’t like is being away from my family. I was very used to spending time with them, going out for lunch with my mum, going to aqua aerobics together – little things, but all things that I miss. Because here I don’t even know many people at all.
The thing is, he generally doesn’t have this same relationship with his own parents. In fact, in between work and studying for his MA, he barely has time to see them properly (not helped by the fact that he can’t see them both together at the same time).
When I visit my family, I do it for around a week at a time. Since I’m self-employed I have the time to do that and I’m thankful for it. But even my boyfriend’s dad complains to me that I see my own parents more than my boyfriend sees him.
I don’t think it’s quite fair – after all, I have to spend £50 for the privilege of visiting my parents by train. I have to spend four hours on the train each way, and I still have to work everyday when I’m there. And, the real thing that gets to me: my boyfriend can’t come with me. It’s spend time with my family, or spend time with my boyfriend, but I can’t just go between the two easily like he has the option to.
With Christmas coming up the real issues start. Because his dad doesn’t really have anyone else here. There is no way I think anyone deserves to be alone at Christmas – but another part of me says I deserve just ONE day where I get to enjoy being with my boyfriend and my family together if he comes to stay.
Just to make things clear, his dad could spend time with his sister who lives further away. I’m hoping that’s what he’s got planned, but unfortunately his financial situation often disrupts things. And, although I think it’s perfectly reasonable for me – the one who lives four hours from her family – to get to see them at Christmas, he doesn’t always think that clearly.
I know I might have to compromise. But the thought of spending Christmas here just makes me sad.
Christmas does complicate things. To me it would sound most fair if you spent the Christmas with your family, and your boyfriend spent it with his dad.
Actually, our situation is quite similar (although _both_ our families live about 300 km away from where we live – in different directions, too!), because I have a big, close family, and my bf’s dad is a widower. We’ve decided to spend the Christmases separate, with our families, until we have our own kids – then we’re spending them with his family, since there are fewer people there.
We’ve also come up with this sweet pre-Christmas celebration thingy before we have to travel to our hometowns. That way we get two Christmases, really.
It is absolutely true that nobody should have to spend their Christmas alone. I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to do things so that everyone’s happy.
Yes you’re right – we might spend it separately. It does make me sad that I am never with my family and my boyfriend at the same time. But his family is very complicated so that’s just the way it is. It sounds nice you’re going to have a pre-Christmas before hand – I might do that too.
There is no way we would leave his dad alone on Christmas. I do feel a little selfish for the way I feel, but I just can’t help missing being away from home. I don’t miss it all the time anyway just at Christmas.
This is the downside of being grown up and worrying about another family beside your own!
I agree with the comment above Christmas should be spent with your family, even if it means you and your boyfriend will be separate. There are always other holidays and next year.
Hope everything works out!
Tellie´s last blog ..A Returned Expatriate’s Lament
Where are youuuuu????? And where did you decide to spend the holidays in the end?
Bitter Chocolate´s last blog ..choices
I am still around – just away from the blog lol
We still haven’t decided. I have kind of decided I’m going home to my family though – it just depends what my boyfriend decides. I just think I need to be with my family – I only moved away this year so it wouldn’t feel right not being with them this Christmas (I wasn’t with them last Christmas as they went on holiday).
Anyway, I hope you are doing well!
Penny´s last blog ..Learning to Compromise Away From Home
Hello Penny…
It’s been a while since my last visit. I rarely do entries now… but I’m hoping that I’ll be able to come back to it, after receiving a gift from my parents.
I do hope all is well with you, specially that you’ve move in with your boyfriend. I never get the chance to read your nice entries anymore… Do hope to catch with you next time.
Just wanna say thank you for being a friend even though we live miles away… I’m very thankful that you were able to be a part of my world in blogging.
Hope that you had a good Christmas. There’d be a time when we have to be away from home specially in times of this special occasion… I’m sure you’ll be able to make some other time in case you didn’t have the chance to spend Christmas with your family this year.
Merry Christmas Pen… and may you have a prosperous New Year ahead of you.
^_____^
Tessa´s last blog .."Lap" Dance